Five Tips To Control Your Anger

Let's face it. We've all been there. We've all been cut off in traffic, behind the guy who seems to think the express lane is for 50 items or less, in another conversation with another assistant instead of the individual we need to speak with. We've all had to sit in front of the noisy kid who kicks the seatback continually, or the guy who can't seem to remember that the movie theater is not the place for his cell phone. We've all got that one relative who knows how to push our every button and seems to delight in doing so. And we've all been pushed to the brink of ripping off someone's head, running screaming into the night and/or having our own head explode from the anger and aggravation.

While expressing our feelings has become more popular and encouraged in the recent past, exploding in anger is not a good thing. There are times and places for releasing those pent up feelings of frustration and fury, but in the middle of the freeway, the checkout lane or Sunday dinner at the in-laws usually aren't the best of either time or place. While we'd all like to disassemble that co-worker who takes the credit for the entire project, or give our sister's obnoxious husband a good "what for" a calmer attitude, a cooler head and a softer approach is typically the better course of action. So, to help you through that next board meeting, rush hour traffic jam, or holiday dinner, here are five tips to keep you cool, calm and collected.

Tip #1 - Keep it real.

Did the offender mean to be offensive? Was he trying to rile you up, or was it a casual, callous remark? Was there a good reason for the remark or action? Often, miscommunication can occur when one person does or says something that the other "takes the wrong way." Stop and think about it. How many times has someone asked you for your opinion, not really wanting it, simply to be polite? When you've given it, as honestly and sincerely as you could, have they ever been rubbed the wrong way? Sometimes, we all say things jokingly that get taken far too seriously simply because we aren't aware of an individual's depth of concern for the matter at hand. Often, a simple question or comment can diffuse a potentially nasty situation. Rather than fly off the handle at someone, stop and ask them, "Did you really mean what you just said?" Or something like, "Are you aware I feel/think/believe X about Y?" Avoid miscommunications by communicating - talking instead of flying off the handle, listening to the other side rather than exploding in rage. Save the real anger for real offenses.

Tip #2 - Does it really matter?

Is being put on hold one more time really going to affect your future, or the future of your company? Will you even remember in one, five, ten years from now, your child's latest temper tantrum over having to go to bed? If your answer is a resounding, "No!" then let it go and let it be. Save your righteous indignation over things that will matter in the long run. Remember the old adage, "Don't sweat the small stuff" and try to keep things in perspective. Stop before you respond and think, "Does this really matter to me now?" Again, not only will your answer help to keep you cool and collected, but the time you take in discovering that answer will help you maintain control.

Tip #3 - Walk a mile in his shoes.

Just as we have all been angered and hurt, we've also been the offender. Before you make that nasty gesture at that guy that cut you off, remember back to the last time you were late for a really important meeting. What about that "domino effect" at the last office party, where Joe bumped you and you bumped into Sara and spilled her glass of wine? Putting yourself in the other guy's shoes for a moment can help you scatter those negative feelings to the four winds. Stopping to imagine yourself as the one giving offense, rather than the one taking it, can give you a better understanding and a better handle on the situation.

Tip #4 - Count on it.

Remember when you were little and your mom would make you count to ten when you were upset over something? Well, that counting trick actually does work! As an adult, though, you may need to spice it up a bit to make it more effective. Instead of simply counting to ten, try taking a deep breath between each number. One-breathe in-breathe out-two-breathe in and so on. Not only does this give your mental anger time to diminish, but it also calms your body's physical response to the negative situation. Or try adding a bit of fun to the count - one-chocolate covered cherries-two-chocolate covered cherries or one-melting snowmen-two-melting snowmen. This adds time to your counting, as well as gives you something to focus your energies on besides your anger - all of which adds up to a calmer, less-stressed you.

Tip #5 - It's all in your head.

Anger is something very personal, very heartfelt. And it is felt by your heart. Getting angry raises blood pressure and raises heart rate. None of which is good for you. Keep your anger under control by imagining yourself in some relaxing, calming atmosphere, engaged in a pleasant experience. Take the advice of many a sixties guru and "find your happy place." Visualize a quiet beach, a candlelight bath, a stroll under the stars. Create a mental image you can center on when the negative emotions threaten to take over. Not only will it lessen your anger, but it will leave you feeling more positive and calm than before your current circumstances got out of control.

Following one or all of these tips before acting in anger or frustration can save face, heartache, and wear and tear on your mental and physical well-being. Don't you owe it to yourself to create a calmer, pleasanter you?

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